Stay Away
by Someone Invisible Jan 13, 2013
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Don't ask me to waste my devotion on you, |
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Latest Comments
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11 years ago
by Baby Rainbow
I see where you went with this in trying to repeat the same thing in a different way for the second lines.
I think it worked ( for me ) except the last line because dont turn back and dont look back are the same thing, so I wonder if you could change just the last line to use the same word back, but make it to mean different. Perhaps something to do with their back as this is what you would be looking at when they walk away. ? Just an idea.
Well done-
11 years ago
I like where it was going too but then I hate to repeat myself when speaking aloud so I don't like it if I'm reading it to someone. and I agree I just don't know how to do it and it make sense ya know??
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11 years ago
I'm thinking maybe something along the lines of : So walk away, don't look back, So do what your good at, show me you're back. put it all together and tell me what you think
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11 years ago
I actually quite enjoyed it. The simplicity gave it some edge, some meaning, as opposed to a drawn out poem that takes forever to express this meaning.
