Timelessness - Made in China

by Saerelune   Apr 3, 2013


She was peeling shrimps
on new year's eve, whilst
beer-bellied men licked
her fingerprints - counting, still,
till the re-fabrication of 2013.

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  • 11 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    This is quite different and creative, especially to be peeling shrimp on new year's eve. I didn't realize that was a tradition in China, hence the 'timelessness' - quite unique since we do nothing like that here. Being that shrimp symbolizes good fortune and happiness, I can see exactly where this poem is going. Peeling shrimp being like you're leaving the year behind and fabricating a new one. For such a short poem there is soo much symbolism and meaning in this, I feel it's a bit hidden, yet with some thought it makes you love the poem so much. I can't believe it is as short as it is yet there is loads and loads of meaning behind it. You are clearly one of the best writers I've ever had the pleasure of reading. Incredible poem!

  • 11 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    5 - first five points because all the rules were followed, it was 4-5 lines, it met the topic well and the word count was within its limit.
    5 - This poem actually held a lot of strength for the size of it, considering the word count was very few. The image of this lady was very clear and perhaps hinted more towards the thoughts she had of her own life and her own time she has spent living. I liked how the flow just seemed very quick and easy and created this little scene in seconds without a hesitation over wording or grammar.
    5- I am going to give this poem five points for its title alone, I think the title is very fitting to the poem but very eye catching and creative. Picking a title is easy, it can be anything, but to pick one that sums the poem up and also matches the power of the poem is very hard and I felt this effort was met here.

    I find this poem very interesting and wonder if this could ever be made into a bigger picture in another poem, telling the story of this womans life, how she got there, what she longs for etc etc. Very creative idea and unique.

  • 11 years ago

    by Britt

    Can I borrow your brain for just a moment? This is another one of those incredible poems that are so creative and unique. I feel like I say the same thing over and over in the comments I give you, but really you just blow my mind!

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