Stick-Men

by Jenni Marie   May 6, 2013


I can't draw. Not even stick men. But I seem to becoming quite the artist as of late. Etching templates along my body, it's become my own personal form of art, decorating myself this way. It doesn't hurt anymore, either, and I'm not quite sure why. Because sixteen years ago when I began to create my own sketches the pain was considerable yet soothing. Now it's neither and I'm at a loss. Because I hurt myself so that you can not.

But I guess it's finally become too much and my body has closed off both physically and emotionally. You make me despise you, yet you make me despise myself even more. They say there is a thin line between love and hate, and I guess the philosophers hit the nail on the head with that one. Because one second I'm recalling how perfect we were together and yearning to be able to go back to then, and the next I'm wishing that I never met you and that I could just cut you completely out of my life for eternity.

Murky red, blood red, faded red, deep red. Mix them all up to create water colours. I'll keep stencilling along and hope that the passion returns, that the feeling and receptivity reappears and that I'm able to hurt myself before you do. I don't feel anymore. I guess I'm what I always wanted to be.

Numb.

    report violation
0


Did You Like This Poem?

Latest Comments

  • 11 years ago

    by Lifesbreath

    The thoughts and feelings we have matter more than we give ourselves credit for in this life. Our words give light to the darkest places! Keep writing Jenn, I care! If you need anything or just to talk message me anytime.

  • 11 years ago

    by Tara Kay

    Oh Jen, This just tore through my heart, not just because I could relate but because I see you hurting, and it pains me when I can't help you physically, I feel my words are inadequate but I am going to say what needs to be said.

    Stop hurting yourself, and that is easier to say than to do, I know...I've been there. But it isn't helping, is it? You say that when you started, it helped heal the emotional pain, it drew away from what was inside your head, and gave you some other pain, it's a vicious circle...but now it's just an addiction, there's no feeling, inside our out, it doesn't calm you, it doesn't stop you hurting, hating, its just something that you do because nothing else seems viable. But this isn't an option, it's just torturing you for no reason...You need to see the you inside, the kind, friendly, talented person, the great mother that needs to be strong for your son...He needs you.

    Life is a catch, it's there to grip you, pull you under, make you feel helpless, but you're not, and there's another side to life, a good side, a side that comes with hard work, but not impossible to find...

    Every time you feel like you want to make those cuts, like you want to make yourself hurt, remember that there's something out there for you, there's a lovely child that loves you for you, that needs you to be his rock.

    You are loved, you are needed, wanted, cared for, adored and you deserve something good...

    I know what I've said isn't much, it may feel impossible but it is not. You can beat this, and you will and I am always always there, whenever you need to talk.

    This was powerful, strong, emotional and something you needed to write, let it out this way

    Hugs and love.
    x

More Poems By Jenni Marie