Dreams And Nightmares

I dreamt of you last night...well, I say it was a dream but I think nightmare would be considered scientifically correct, because nobody should ever have the misfortune of you invading their thoughts and mind, but as I sat up in bed replaying the seqeunce of events I started smiling to myself because realization began to dawn on me-

do you know what I realized, honey? I realized that the last time you invaded my thoughts your unwelcome presence affected me more than it should have done and that I was still allowing you to crawl under my skin whenever you deemed it neccessary to do so

but this time; this time I smiled because as my eyes adjusted to the light and the last remnants of sleep faded away I noticed my heart no longer felt heavy after thinking of you, instead it felt light and carefree, and I realized that you don't affect me

{at all.}

You keep trying your best to drag me back into your careless and decietful hands, because finally I can see the light and I know I'm worth far more than this, than what I used to ever believe, I'm better than this...better than you

{I'm worth far more than what you ever gave me credit for.}

And I shouldn't take pleasure in your suffering...I'm not a facetious person and yet-yet I can't help but smile to myself everytime I think of how I'm making my way out of this yet you're rapidly going under, caught in the tidal wave of your own lies

I guess after so long, I finally remembered how to swim and now it amuses me that you seem to have forgotten-and your tidal wave has become so fericous and deep that I wonder if you can even see the surface and if you know which way is up...

It must just kill you inside that after everything that has been said and done you never fully won and I reached the surface of my own accord-splashing and screaming and gasping for breath so many times- but the point is... that I made it... and that you never will-oh how it must just eat you up inside.

And I used to dream about the day when you would answer the dozens of questions that flitted through my mind each and every day, always yearning to know the truth but knowing I never really would, but now...now I just have one simple question for you...

{don't you wish you could swim as well as I?}