Yuki

All right, I have forgotten how to comment. hehe

So here goes my opinion and perhaps a few suggestions for your poem. Just like Sylvia I'm not a pro, so it's only my views. At the end of the day, you are the author so based on the given comments you may decide what works best for your poems. :)

Okay....

Snow is white
because it is
really a
white Camellia-
a frozen one,
a precipitation
on a
wintery sky.

--- On this first stanza, "it is really" at least for me.. it's not strong. So I'm not believing what you are telling per se. My suggestion is to change it to "it is in fact." --> Now based on this, I'm going to continue reading the rest of your poem to see how you are going to prove it to me. Though, in a way you have already done so in this stanza, by comparing it to a white Camellia and then by telling me that is a frozen one, however, I'm curious to see what's next because I'm not fully believing it yet [ though I like the idea ;) and the image ]

Here is my suggestion incorporated:

Snow is white
because it is in fact
a white Camellia-
a frozen one,
a precipitation
on a wintery sky

*******************

It has
forgotten its
own color
and assumed
to be
a flower
as eternal
as the
eastern sky.

---- This stanza is a bit rocky to read. Specially after "and assumed" So perhaps, work towards connecting those two ideas better. Also I don't see how snow forgot its own color.. even if it is a flower... it is white. So in a sense the color did not change. What changed was its own identity. So here is my suggestion:

who has forgotten
it's identity.
And assumed
to be a flower
as eternal as
the eastern sky.

--- It ties down with the idea of the snow being a flower. It's still cold and white because its a frozen white flower according to the first stanza. Now if you read the first and second stanza, they go hand on hand.

***********************

You knitted
our reveries
together and
made it
fall like
snowflakes dancing
in the
Daisy-scented breeze.

-- I would change the structure of this stanza a little bit more like this plus I would change "the Daisy" into "a Daisy " :

You knitted
our reveries together
and made it fall
like snowflakes
dancing in a Daisy-
scented breeze

-- I'm going to change the structure of the other stanzas, and a few words so just take a look at it. If you have any question as to why I would change it some way to another, feel free to ask me. I would need to read the poems a couple of more times to fully understand what you are saying. There are parts that confused me, because you change from narrating to speaking to someone. So I would suggests to use ---- this lines to separate and give the reader a little more time to grasp what you are saying. .I use those lines --- probably not in the right spots but it will be easier for you to do that. I enjoy the poem. Keep writing.

*******************************

Here is how I would structure it. . . You don't have to change your poem, it's only a suggestion.

Snow is white
because it is in fact
a white Camellia-
a frozen one,
a precipitation
on a wintery sky

that has forgotten
it's identity.
And assumed
to be a flower
as eternal as
the eastern sky.

---

You knitted
our reveries together
and made it fall
like snowflakes
dancing in a Daisy-
scented breeze

Now every dream
is snow-capped.
(Like my dreams of
being with you)

----

And when the ground
is covered with snow,
it describes beauty
like listing down
a thousand flowers
that never get to tell
their winter tales
on a crumpled paper.

---

After eating enough
gray and blue, you are a canvas
hibernating. You forget
I am still here
waiting to paint you
the crimson snow
in my dreams.

You knit our reveries
together, you make
them fall like snow...

And even though
it is only those reveries
that keep me warm,
I want the falling of
the snow
to be incessant.

----

When the snow
remembers
what its real color is,
I will plant a
white Camellia
in your eyes...

for you
to always remember
that even
snow as white
as the dancing clouds,
owns a flower's purity
and forgets
its own clarity
to remember
that falling
is something white
to begin with.

(And snow
does fall)

I am not a professional writer or poet so what I have commented here are my own personal thoughts and feelings. Dashiel, it seems as if you might have been in a hurry to write this poem, not sure but I have read your work and this one is a little to rough as it is written. I think it needs to be rewritten, keeping the some thoughts and ideas for the poem but rearranging them, making them smoother (less stiff feeling), use less filler words. You could probably shorten it as some thoughts are repeated in several of places. You have a good foundation for this poem and just need to build on it.

The idea that snow has forgotten its color because the snow thinks it is a frozen flower is original. Nice thoughts that the person you care about has "combined" all the fun you have had together and reminds you of snowflakes dancing in the wind. Your dreams are "snow covered" by those flakes. Once the ground is blanketed by snow, the beauty is like thousands of silent flowers that never had their stories told. You feel that the person you care about is a canvas of thoughts and feelings, good and bad and you are waiting to dream those dreams. You refer again how the person has pulled all the fun and memories together, that keeps you content and happy especially watching the snowfall. In the last verse I think the idea is that reality comes back to view, everyone remembers who they are, where they are and you will always remember them when you watch the snow falling.

VERSE ONE
This verse is rough in the way your thoughts are presented. We can take poetic license with many things but saying Snow is white because it is a white Camellia frozen is a stretch.

VERSE TWO
I see where you brought the Snow is white idea to this verse. Snow has forgotten its own color because it thinks it is a flower.

VERSE THREE
Starts as if you are talking about a person and comparing their actions to the snowfall

VERSE FOUR
Switches to dreams

VERSE FIVE
Back to the snowfall and the flowers building a scene

VERSE SIX
Back to the person and their thoughts, feelings regarding you

VERSE SEVEN
Started with almost the same words as verse three, need to change those in one of the verses, the word reveries is used at least 3 times in the poem. Find a synonym for "reveries" and change all but one of the instances. It detracts from the poem to use the same word more than once although at times we have no choice but in this case, I think there is a choice.

VERSE EIGHT
This is where things can get touchy. You can wait until the end and use a last verse to pull all the ideas, thoughts, feelings together and finalize them or during the rewrite you can arrange the words and lines so that they are pulled together as you go along. Then verse eight is eliminated.

I can feel the authentic flavor of this write. I like how you have given snow beauty and character..admiring her beauty like an artist waiting to draw her elegance..beautiful read!