Joy and sorrow/ Questions in the brain

This time is real,
Better than sex appeal.
I'm going back for the last feel,
Back to the "A", they know the deal.

But maybe, just maybe I'm crazy,
To fight a war instead of sitting on my couch being lazy.
Maybe I'll die someday,
At least to you, it'd be better that way.

No time to debate,
Now rake a seat, look back and contemplate.
What's going through my mind?
The only reason why I still try to grind.

Medical cleared for all the right reasons,
Fight with no questions, and obey, no treason's.
Still operations I gotta wait,
The choice has been made and now its too late.

Three days grace told you a lie,
Who cares anyways, no ones going to cry.
Can't wait to be home, finally a place where I belong,
Letting go of this life, death's grip is too strong.

Maybe they'll let me stay for a while,
No internet, no communication, no numbers to dial.
Will I finally fly?
Maybe after this or when I die?

Oh well, enough said,
Now just rest your head.
The second options come to play,
Will I last a year or just one day?