A Drunk For Christmas

4-11-14

Over and over again
I start a new page
Unable to sort my thoughts
Without turning into a rage.

I have always been told
I can write so well
But they have no idea now
That my words are starting to fail.

I try to write down my troubles
The pain and the fear
But my hands drop to my side
And are followed by these tears.

Stuck in a moment of time
Lost beyond the horizon
Can I catch a break from this life
Before my body starts to wizen.

I've given him so many chances
So many fresh starts
But what is the point in all this
If all I'm left with is a broken heart.

She tells me to calm down
Do not speak about him that way
But I am done pretending
That he will ever change his ways.

Christmas day came
And he was the first one to show
I was so happy that he made it
You could see my face glow.

Then I seen what he was holding
The same thing he never puts down
A 24 case of bud light
My smile soon turned to a frown.

I knew this was a bad sign
But I kept the thought in my head
I just hoped that I was wrong
And things just be left unsaid.

Unfortunately, my hope soon shattered
When his drunken side started to show
My head went to my hands
As I thought 'here we go.'

I knew I should have never
Let him start drinking that fast
But what was I going to do,
Yank it out of his hand to make it last?

Not too far off now
The rest of the family will be here too
As he started walking out
With a horrible attitude.

Not a word of goodbye
Not a little sign he wanted to go
He just grabbed his beer
And stumbled out into the snow.

When I went searching for him
I seen him stubble his way to his car
I thought "Not again"
This time he has gone too far.

I've given him a chance
To make up for what he missed
I knew I shouldn't have had my hopes up
This was not what I had wished.

"Is he leaving" came the question
I nod my head and say 'Don't be mad,
I gave him a chance this Christmas
To come around here and be my Dad."

I took a chance, and opened my heart
I will never say it was a mistake,
Because after all, he is my father
He just has more 'important' things on his plate.

After the anger finally left my body
I had only felt sorry for the guy,
He has an amazing daughter right here
And he let her just slip on by.

I tell myself it's ok
That I'm better off without him
But I'm a daughter with no dad
Some part of me will still miss him.

So if you ever want to know why
I build these walls of great length
It would start with family issues
And fall right along with emotional strength.

I will not get hurt from this day on
My walls are built high from the ground
For those that love me enough
They will climb their way up and around.