Headache

by ah satan 666   Jan 15, 2015


{ someone turn the volume down }

A somber tone
lays behind these blue eyes...
Like the skin of a drum
being beaten with sticks.

{ suspension of consciousness is my wish }

A thunderous tornado
ruptures kind thoughts...
Hurling disastrous ideas
like scattered pennies in a well.

{ luminous rays pierce like needles }

It's in the black of night,
where I find some peace...

Not in any elixir.

3


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Latest Comments

  • 5 years ago

    by Ben Pickard

    This was very cleverly written with a brilliant end.

  • 5 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    For anyone who has ever suffered with headaches, or migraines, they will instantly feel themselves being understood within this poem! The author has cleverly created this feeling of the headache using such vivid metaphors, you can almost feel the thumping bangs of the pain. I like the creativity of the structure also, the use of the brackets, and the layout. It all came together well and I enjoyed the read.

  • 5 years ago

    by BlueJay

    Judging Comment

    I actually got a headache after reading and contemplating this piece, not that it was difficult to understand but rather because it was so real. The way this piece is styled is an excellent portrayal of both personality and effect to the piece. Every word jumped from my screen and brought more life to the ones surrounding them than I would have expected from a title so simple. I love the way the title does in fact tie into the piece and how the detail is so precise. Very well penned with a stunning (really a perfect) use of every key skill in a poet's handbook

  • 5 years ago

    by Beautiful Soul

    Trying to describe an action is difficult for a lot of people, but it seems like it comes natural to you. I like this a lot, a lot of people beat me to the punch so I wont say a lot, but the imagery is great to describe what a headache feels like when it spreads around your head. Have to agree as well the ending was so well written and there is a lot of truth within it as well, you want the silence of night time to keep yourself calm and try to make this go away. nice write. 5/5

  • 5 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    Ouch - you gave me a headache.

    You really do have a gift of writing! This poem is written so well, each line really holds its own imagery, and it all fits together. That thumping headache is clear to imagine, and the drum sticks banging shows that clearly!

    I think you are about the only author, or one of the few, which I like using brackets. You always seem to have a grasp on them of where they are meant to be, and they always add in that something extra to the poem.

    Great ending too, very unique!

    Great to have you back ! :)