Just another Blues (Double Naani)

Hello Samia

This piece sums up what I regard as pure poetry; it is delicate, beautiful to read and genuinely powerful. All three things that I personally love to see in a poem.
As to the content, sometimes our lives can pass by waiting for that someone you just can,t 'breathe' out of your system.

Wonderful.

All the very best and take care,
Ben

Just another Blues

^ I like how you used your introductory line, "just another Blues"...
Based on that line alone, I was expecting the rest of the poem to describe, or give a reason, or draw an image of the moment that stirred the sadness. Also that line alone, sounds as if the narrator is used to the sadness, and as if, it doesn't matter anymore.

but winter tears
stroked the window,
dragging this longing
to the borders of memory,

^
On the first line of this stanza, shouldn't it be winter's tears?
With an apostrophe? Otherwise, it could be read as if Winter tore something. Plus if I continued reading to the next line, the word "stroked" takes me by surprise because I had already interpreted that "tears" was working as a verb. So I became confused because I immediately considered "tears" and "stroked" to be both acting as a verb, and it made no sense. So in my opinion, the way that first line is written, without the used of an apostrophe, makes it a bit hard for me as a reader to comprehend those two lines, at least, within my first read. Also with the used of an apostrophe, it would be easier for the reader to immediately see the personification that is taking place. Though it's just a suggestion. It's not a big deal.

My interpretation of this stanza is that during winter, in that particular scene, it was raining, I'm not sure which window, it could be from a car, or in a room, but the point is that the rain brought back memories. ( Winter's tears could either be rain or snow).

It could have meant that during that season, during a raining day, something happened. I'm not sure what the narrator is "longing", though.
However, due to the word "but" and the last line "border of memory." It sounds as if the longing is soon to end. When I think of border, I think of edge. So I'm immediately thinking that the memory is coming to an end, but it could also mean that the memory intensified.

--

to strum tales
of waiting tired of waiting,
to rekindle deserted breaths
still breathe you...

^
This stanza is saying to me, that the narrator is longing for someone. And that the narrator still feels that someone close. by.

Nice piece.

Wonderful!!!

Finally someone did this form! This has been on my to do list but never got around doing it; but after reading your piece it inspires me to have a go!

but winter tears
stroked the window,
dragging this longing
to the borders of memory,

^^Such a lovely yet a sad delicate scene you have penned here. I could see a woman's image upon a window looking out with tears forming in her eyes. I
also like how you have described snow as winter tears for it looks like the window is actually crying...touching!

to strum tales
of waiting tired of waiting,
to rekindle deserted breaths
still breathe you...

^^There is a sense of loss or someone who has gone away leaving you with only memories and aches of waiting perhaps hoping for his/her return. The last two lines suggests that this whole scene and maybe the room itself you are in still holds this person's scent, memories and words.

Within this short form/write there is a deeper sadness and aches. Well penned.

Wow - so much packed into such a short piece!!! i love formed poetry and have never seen this one before (cant wait to go and play with it) it has awesome flow and your word choice is fantastic, added to favourites! Great Job :)