You told the story so well, used words that made my heart stop beating for some minutes. It was indeed a sad story, but the way you presented it, yes I agree, as a man, it is truly commendable of you to have presented it without any reservation. You are a great storyteller.
Michael, after reading Em's latest poem about domestic abuse and reading your comments I had to find your poem-I can only say WOW! This is so incredibly hard read but beautifully done. Such a sad story about this young woman and her baby. It blows my mind even now in this day that people can be like this to another one, all in the name of love? I shouldn't be surprised because how awful people can be but it still knocks me for a loop. You really wrote this well, I'm so glad I got to read this-take care-Brenda
5 years ago
Michael, I'm glad you pointed me in the direction of this piece although not glad about the whole scenario.
This was a truly moving piece that brought me to tears. I think it's wonderful that as a man you captured each part beautifully. The way we believe he still loves us even after everything he does to us. The story telling is magical and I'm glad it was a winner because it deserved the appreciation it got.
Alot of men are in these kinds of relationships too, that's what annoys me because although I have suffered at the hands of one of these men that calls himself human I can still defend other men because its not always a man doing the crime.
This has to be one of the best storytelling poems I read. The pauses and continuation of the lines made the scenery in the poem so vividly seen. I saw the place she was in, and I heard the different voices and sounds. God, I think I even felt her pain.
The writer took a real story, gave a voice to a voiceless woman, and made the reader feel and sympathize with her. We saw her agony, her torture and her pain through her eyes. We lived every moment of that night with her.
The lines where she realizes he loved her, only to realize again that he did not were so powerful. We fight to see the good in those we love, so by default even if we were hurt by them in one time, the moment they do a good deed in the moment we come to think that's it is alright again. We deceive ourselves just to cover the fact that we are so scared to be alone.
This is such a heartfelt poem that I think others should read. Just to know that some people should be remembered...