Reality

I'm so completely lost; my baby barely knows
me, my parents don't care anymore. I know
that. I have the intelligence, but I don't want to
finish what I started all those years ago.

I wonder, if anyone really knows me, if they
can get behind the self constructed walls and
defences. Those that Ana didn't make me build?
I had no problem constructing myself, I was
proud to erect them. Because it meant nobody
could get close enough.

Close enough to hurt me, or to change my
mind; close enough to turn my world upside
down. It meant I was safe from the outside
world. I was more than happy to hurt myself
so that others could not. And people say
they care; that I'm worth more...but...

It's so difficult to believe them.

Why am I worth more? What makes me
different to the thousands of others suffering
the same? Nothing. I'm not worth more.
I'm not worth saving. They just fool themselves
into believing that's a reality for me.

It isn't.