Words from the Bottom of a Shot Glass (Triolet)

Judges comment

I think I am going to fall into a habit of criticising my 4 point choice, but I have read 23 poems tonight and this made it into my top 3. This is a poetry site and I love to see formed poetry, especially a form I haven't seen before. I don't write much formed poetry myself but I enjoy reading it. I will try this one myself (I will wait till my judging term finishes). I chose this over many others this week because I love the lines 'silence, a writers addiction' and 'sobering words escape my pen'. I think we can all relate to both which makes this whole piece very credible.
I nearly didn't choose this because of what's coming up in my comment, but I love the power coming out of this small poem with repeated lines to boot.
Now for the bad part....
'zen' should be 'Zen' which is a very minor point, but the biggy for me is line 4, It works to keep the form true but to me it doesn't help the poem. In fact take it out and you will see what I mean;

Sobering words escape my pen
silence, a writers addiction
nature births a spirited zen
eyes they see, destruction of men
drinking lies, brings on affliction
sobering words escape my pen
silence, a writers addiction

I think it reads better without it, but without it the form fails.
This is my own humble opinion,
It may seem odd that I have chosen this ahead of 20 other poems I know........4 points.

Think with depression we have all tried this. Great work

Hello Andrea

There is a haunting feeling to this poem that is increased (not a little) by the repetition of those lines. It etches the sadness onto the reader's brain!

Excellent write. I hope you are well,
Ben

This is simply beautiful. I haven't written formed poetry in quite a while, and triolets are quite difficult. Lovely work, as usual.

I love the title and the format. This is amazing.
I can picture an empty shot glass and looking at the bottom hoping to find the answer. Sobering is serious and when we worry about something or someone we have no control over a shot here and there may ease the pain for a brief moment. The truth is the problem still remains. At times we need to put down the pen and take a moment in silence. This write to me is truly sad. Take care.