Stay strong hun. I pray that my brothers and sisters in Syria will know peace and safety again, and I'm very proud that I have come to meet many beautiful souls when I've volunteered with aiding the refugees that come to my country. I live in the port town where everyone from Germany comes to Sweden, and when the first wave of refugees came here and to MalmÃƒÂ¶ from Denmark, I was so proud to see my countrymen truly embracing solidarity.
Because all that most people want is peace, love, and security. I hope the war ends soon.
I believe this is a very good poem; strong, emotional, personal. There is a few slips and misses here and there, but nothing too important, for example: the ending for me is a tricky aspect of this poem, because it is hauntingly personal and the way it sort of collapses is very intriguing. But, on a personal note, I am not always such a fan of these kinds of endings. It worked this time, but only barely.
You killed me by the end.
I, too, want to see it on the front page. ALONE.
6 years ago
by Ben Pickard
I've been meaning to comment on this piece of beautiful poetry for a while now.
Firstly, let me just start by saying as I have done before: this really is one of the most genuine and moving writes I have had the pleasure of coming across on this site yet.
I could delve into the content, but I won't too much as it speaks for itself and is obviously highly personal; I don't feel I have any right to break it down and offer advice - not that any is needed here anyway, and I'll get to why in a moment.
The only comment on the writing I'll make is the line "...every time you kiss me, my lips are covered in gunpowder" - this is truly brilliant: moving, sad, tragic, beautiful - all these words come to mind when reading that line. I say beautiful simply from a poetic point of view, I should point out!
I said above, no advice was needed here. I stick firm to that. Too often poetry is "over-produced" - polished to the point where any original emotion and meaning is lost for a purely synthetic finish, as it were. It might be pleasing to read, but it is fake - it is written for the reader's pleasure, almost. This isn't. This is raw, brutal, honest and brilliant and says something as all the very best poetry should.
I would also like to say congratulations on your win, but even that seems entirely inconsequential to the piece. Some writes transcend judgement and competitions - this certainly does.
My mother's family are still in Syria, half of which we've not heard from in years. Some of my father's family also. My parents are constantly watching the news here, trying to keep updated with what's happening on the ground. The only channels that broadcast it are the Arab ones, which makes it seem like the rest of the world doesn't care - although I know there are some who do. It seems that celebrity distractions and material things are being plastered everywhere to stop the world from caring about situations such as yours.
There's not much more I can say, because you know these things better than I do, no doubt. All I can say is, may Allah grant peace to Al-Sham and every other region in such a state.
Noura takes you to a place where your soul cries....
When destruction and war is all around you, the emotions can kill a heart, within this piece Noura pleads for her love to unite in love and yet to save their homeland... just a heartbreaking poem and written in true form by Noura.. Powerful poem by this lovely lady!
Noura, no poet on this site is able to write anything as raw as this poem. By the end I was overwhelmed by emotion and that does not happen often for me when reading poetry on this site. The way you are able to write with such honest really does send shivers down my spine and this poem is one I will continue to return to read for a very long time.
Got back from a long long break, so sorry for the late post, but here's the comment I wrote as a judge back then:
"It didn't take long to realize that this poem would be filled with emotion as I read the first two lines, although I think it might have been more powerful to do without the enjambment and merge those two lines, just to start off the poem with a bigger punch. But that's just a tiny technical note, also regarding the flow. What I liked about this poem is that it wasn't just a simple jumble of fancy imagery, because the imagery was actually put together very well with the use of repetition, making the poem well-rounded. The echoes of a "home" are evident within almost each stanza, and so is the reminder of weapons. I love the contrast between the two personas, how they are probably a couple but both have a different vision of "all they have". The mention of the khaki suit also tied so well with the previous stanza about the news. There are subtle reminders everywhere that connect the imagery, and the emotions that are evoked only strengthen them. This poem portrayed such an important issue yet manages to make it intimate and personal, pulling the reader in with emotions. Nice work."
5 years ago
This songs of freedom!
it's all I ever have
all I ever be.
(( playing with Bob's lyric a bit))