Etch the past

by Maher   Apr 19, 2016


These days cold water trickles at my feet.
Where rivers flowed with willows - envy in their leaves.
As stumps, they lie in the gravel-laden heat.
My twisted love, sing some sadness to their seeds.
Then starlight falls across the broken sky.
In seconds gone, a child's heartbeat on the line.
The devil plays the piper's only tune,
as moonlight holds the gallows in it's ever haughty swoon.

Yet I swore this life was saved for us.
Forgetting the wise words of a stubborn inner call.
Her face made holy through her manner of walk.
A slave was I, and enslaved, I grew in trust.

Silver slivers salt this stream so strong.
A deeper fortitude bares no strength in your abode.
The rain may fall, but it never does for long.
Dark Creature, your shade shall drown this lonely road.
A star fell sure into a soul-lit town.
The wash of waves scoured Earth's burdens from the ground.
And as the living flock to a final call,
a second star will quench their thirst once more.

Had I known the banks were dry today,
I'd have summoned tears to drench the shore.
I watch the dunes as they wither to a score.
A solemn symphony that would etch the sand away.

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10


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Latest Comments

  • 9 years ago

    by deeplydesturbed

    I like this! How had i not seen this before today SC! L( Very Very good poem! :)

    • 9 years ago

      by Maher

      LOL thank you USB, glad ya liked it :)

  • 9 years ago

    by Darren

    Judges comment

    This poem intrigued me, as a piece of story telling it is immense. Very descriptive and metaphoric.
    Some really impressive lines scattered here and there.
    What caught my eye was the punctuation. It has a ton.
    You could remove all of it and the poem would read and flow beautifully.
    But that is not the point.
    It has to read choppy. It has to be an uncomfortable read, this works with the content.
    A brave choice and one I am scoring 10 points for.

    • 9 years ago

      by Maher

      Thank you Sir! :)

  • 9 years ago

    by Brenda

    Congratulations on your win, well deserving, beautiful write-

    • 9 years ago

      by Maher

      Many thanks :)

  • 9 years ago

    by Liz

    Not sure how I missed reading this before. absolutely beautiful. Well-deserved win.

    • 9 years ago

      by Maher

      Thank you, glad you enjoyed it :)

  • 9 years ago

    by Britt

    This is really beautiful. There are so many literary devices in each stanza that it's overwhelming in the best way. I'm interested in your reasoning behind punctuation, why mostly it's a period and a few spots it's a comma? It kind of disrupted the flow for me if I tried to read how I was lead to, but eliminating the punctuation and reading on my own it created a difference. I feel like there's a point, so just curious :)

    Had I known the banks were dry today,
    I'd have summoned tears to drench the shore.

    That... that is beautiful. I also love your bits of alliteration riddled throughout. This poem is just something to sink my toes into.

    • 9 years ago

      by Maher

      Firstly, thank you for reading my work. You should see the smile on my face because that part resonated with you. Your praise is much higher than me, but thank you for that also :)

      You're exactly right, the punctuation is intentional. In short, every line barring the last 2 lines in each 8-line stanza is just a thought without much certainty. The last 2 lines are more like facts that hold more certainty, so they're more fluent than the rest. Kind of like when you have a thought and then scrap it or not pay it much mind, but when a realization or truth comes along, suddenly you're able to see a bigger picture.

      If you like, I'll be more than happy to explain the whole thing via PM - it'll make more sense :)

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