Creeping corruption

That kiu guys for all of your support you guys are building my writers confidence:)

This is raw and sounds like it came from personal experience. To me, the grammatical errors kind of had their way in adding to the whole scene - though if you want to be technical about it, yeah, they can be corrected. I got that it was a rap right away. It has a good flow jumping from rhyme to rhyme within the verses as well as at the ends.

What else can I say, good Sir? You did well with this one, especially since it's your first.

Welcome to P&Q my friend and I hope to see more from you :)

Very Powerful Piece Trevor.. (Trev for short haha!) Welcome to P & Q and I cant wait to read more of you! :)

5/5

A beautiful first post, one I can only feel is inspired by the struggle you may have had with seeing people close to you fall into the pattern of drug abuse. Definitely intimidating; it's raw and at times scary with the vivid imagery of seeing the people around you waver in a weak world.

A few grammatical corrections I would make are as follows:
"This world that your living in, living in is wearing thin" should be "This world that you're living in, living in is wearing thin"
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"You'll never gonna get it when I start." should be "You're never gonna get it when I start"
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"You staring at me those cynical eyes I'm over here so its time you realize" should be "You staring at me those cynical eyes I'm over here so it's time you realize"
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As for the following line, I'm not sure if you're saying that we live in fear, which would be "fright", but after going even deeper it could be that you mean "freight" as in this life being a train ride and we're all on the bulk transport because there's so many of us, all "unique".
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"Than to see meths blight kill the gift of life." should be "Than to see meth's blight kill the gift of life."
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A line that I really liked was like a timeline to me: "With Man's hand in the ground the crystals of ice started with lye", a very succinct way of describing a gateway, a small beginning.

Your poem has some endearing metaphors that help peer through your eyes. A wonderful job.

I could be wrong with my interpretations; however, that is the beauty of poetry. It can be perceived in many different ways.

I know this is a "slang poem", but I would regardless love to see you work on your punctuation. I must admit though, it does sort of read as a song!

Well done,
5/5
IdTakeABulletForYou

Thankyou:)