spinning the wedding band

by Darren   Apr 9, 2018



Band on table, glistening offers hope,
eyes cannot register any promise,
spinning with index finger, losing scope,
those vows that I offered, I now dismiss.

I promised you a husband full of life,
making a bed for us, quashing your fears,
why aren't you ashamed to be called my wife?
my confidence is washed away with tears.

Spinning in finger, a noise on table,
losing myself in darkness, sunk away,
there was a time I was strong, was able,
now a useless husk, drowning in dismay.

Spinning increases, my finger now raw,
my mind turning and burrowing too deep,
to wake from slumber daily, now a chore,
I would much rather fester, sit and weep.

**dug up and resubmitted

*** re-edited again, lost partial rhyme, reduced syllable count.

5


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Latest Comments

  • 2 years ago

    by Darren

    re-edited again, lost partial rhyme, reduced syllable count.
    apologies to those who liked. I will stop toying with it now.

  • 2 years ago

    by Mr. Darcy

    Darren,

    this is a tad melancholy. Not like you at all!

    Regurgitated poetry - you can't beat it!

    • 2 years ago

      by Darren

      double reply

    • 2 years ago

      by Darren

      thanks Micheal.

  • 2 years ago

    by Ben Pickard

    Rhyme? RHYME? Good heavens, man, I refuse to comment any further on principle alone...

    Great write - glad to see it nominated.

    Ben

    • 2 years ago

      by Darren

      Partial rhyme at least. I resurrected this from my old account. Some of my earlier stuff was mainly forms and rhyme. I have tweaked this a little and reposted. Thanks for your comment

  • 2 years ago

    by Kitty Cat Lady

    Darren, this feels like someone full of self loathing due to an illness (?could be depression or something physical?) that makes him feel less worthy of his marriage because he's not as able and strong as he feels he should be. You refer to wedding vows ... "in sickness and in health" has to apply to both parties. A really well written, sad and thought provoking write :-) x
    =^.^=

    • 2 years ago

      by Darren

      Thanks KCL appreciate you reading,

  • 2 years ago

    by Em (marmite)

    Darren this is immense the only thing I'd change is remove the 'as' at the beginning of the end stanza but only because that line would then be on one line not two and I have bad ocd and am being really picky I know (lol) but this doesn't take away the fact that this is really moving and somewhat relatable to many of us here as I bet not one of us can honestly say we haven't felt good enough at some point and if we can say it honestly then at some point before we die we certainly will.
    Take care
    Em x

    • 2 years ago

      by Darren

      thanks Em
      good idea, consider it gone..

    • 2 years ago

      by Em (marmite)

      Looks much better, still a fantastic piece which Jamie beat me to nominating :)

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