The Tale of My Life

**Attention**
-I know this poem may be pretty long but it is worth the read if you take the time. This is not just a story told, it is my life going into paper this deep for the first time showing a lot of what I went through growing up. There is so much emotion a lot of my deep personal life that I haven’t really talked about before. Thank you for those that take the time to read this. It truly does mean a lot! Please vote and comment too. Thanks!!—

Started—August 27th, 2018
Finished — September 18th, 2108

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~The Tale of My Life~

My scars tell a story
Of a life I’ve never told
How many truly know me
And the memories that I hold.

How many out there
Can tell me what I have done
How did I make it this long
Oh this should be fun.

How many years have I drowned
In this life the lord gave me
How many scars does my body bare
Can you tell me, can you see.

Let me take you through
Some of the things I’ve overcome
Let me tell you a story
Of the many places I came from.

A young age I was
When my story first began
7 years old I had lost my dad
My hero and my best friend.

At least that is what I say
To be honest I don’t quite remember
I like to think we were close
My favorite family member.

Would you believe me if I told you
That most my past is a blur
The therapist used to say it was
My way of coping with what occurred.

I believe it to a point
But somehow doesn’t seem right
Why can I remember all the bad aspects
But the good things seem to have taken flight.

Believe me or not
But that much is true
The bad memories out weigh the good
You don’t see it do you?

Everyone looks at me
They see a smile and say I’m so sweet
They don’t see my demons
For if they did they would quickly retreat.

Mistreated as a little girl
Molested by my older sibling
That is something I can’t get rid of
This left me with feeling nothing.

And alcohol has been a problem
It has affected most my life
It’s like the monster in the closet
Threatening you with a knife.

Now let’s make something clear
I was not the one with the problem
But it started to destroy my early life
It started to shape what I had to overcome.

Taken away from my home
The only mother I knew
And put with a different family
Was quite the change to be put through.

But I knew this one would be ok,
I could live here guaranteed
My aunt and uncle
Have been nothing but good to me.

Come now that I think about it
Somewhere along the way
I found out important information
That would change my life from that day.

My dad was not my father
That part I had not planned
The aunt and uncle I was with
Helped me to understand.

You see, I have a biological father
I never knew I had
I don’t even remember how I felt
The day I found out my dad wasn’t my dad.

Well, that was second grade
But then I was able to go back home
Not the home that I knew
But at least my mom and I wouldn’t be alone.

Well, that is what I thought at first
But here comes my next tale
It involved the alcohol
And pain I could not avail.

Here is where you will find out
My mother had a problem now
She drank all the time
And left me home alone anyhow.

If I was not at home
She would take me with her
To the bars all night
The backseat is where my sleep would occur.

Verbal abuse from the man she was with
Had me scared of living there
But third grade was all I was
So I was partially unaware.

Is this how it was supposed to be
To live in fear of being heard
A young age I was still
And so many fights I overheard.

It did not take long
And I was taken away again
Unable to see my mom
I didn’t understand it all back then.

I always had blamed myself
Thinking I was never good enough
It is all my fault I’m not back home
But going through this made me tough.

Do you see this now
Have you felt some of my pain
This is only minor
Compared to the next tale I soon gain.

Sent to a foster home
People I have never met
They seemed so nice at first
But you don’t understand quite yet.

That place was awful
As bad as what you’d read in books
Treated like a mutt
And always giving me dirty looks.

“Scrub your knees hard”
“You don’t get to eat today”
That is what they would tell me
Yet my social worker looked the other way.

Not able to eat for a couple days
Can do damage on a growing child
My knees would be rubbed raw
I couldn’t remember the last time I smiled.

“You better sit up in bed,
Don’t you dare lay down
You do not get to sleep”
She would say and I would frown.

I was stupid, worthless and ugly
I didn’t deserve anything good
She was right to hit me
And make me kneel on splintered wood.

Now I know what your thinking
Why didn’t I speak a word
You think that I didn’t try
But my voice was never heard.

“I’m sure you are over exaggerating
These people are not so bad
Start your listening” my DSS lady would say
Boy, did that make me mad.

Before long I was able
To leave that awful place
To another aunt and uncle
Where them I could embrace.

They were so kind to me
But I was already a mental mess
They tried their hardest to help me
But I was closed up and wouldn’t confess.

I loved it there
A ranch I always wanted back
I got to be myself outdoors
But still communication is what I lacked.

I spent a couple years with them
Until I messed up real bad
I was such a disgrace
I always made them mad.

Which leads us to the next chapter
Of this story called my life
I was headed to a treatment facility
Where there was a lot of strife.

I didn’t think that I belonged
In a place like this
But I was only fooling myself
My thoughts were always in abyss

I stayed there for over a year
That would be where most of it began
The scars started to appear
My life I wanted to end.

One day I got too close
The blood filled the floor
Disappointed that I was still breathing
They could’ve buried me under the sycamore.

After that day they found me
I was sent to the ‘loony bin’
They were afraid I would kill myself
And that just couldn’t happen.

I spent a little time there
Trying to find a way to cope
When they finally released me
I thought I found new hope.

I thought I would be ok
Even though I was still in the treatment center
Maybe I can learn to love myself
Into a new world I could enter.

But once again we come
To a tale you know nothing about
But hopefully you start to see
My life was depressing without a doubt.

Since I was 7 years old
The longest I stayed in one place
Was 2 years tops
I was such a disgrace

I moved from foster homes to treatment homes
Never had a normal life
Couldn’t keep my head above water
I just wanted to join the after life.

Can you feel my pain
So much that I went through
I didn’t even mention it all
As there is too much to tell you.

But finally I made it past 18
So I had a little more hope
Things were starting to turn around
I was finally able to cope.

It took a couple years
Before I finally found my place
A spot I could finally call home
One without all the disgrace.

6 years now I have been good
I’ve come so far in life
Met a guy that loves me
And has asked me to be his wife.

For everything that I went through
And all the obstacles I had to overcome
I am proud of where I’m at
Happy for the women I have become.

If you would have asked me
8 years ago
If I knew life would lead me to now
I would have laughed and called you a psycho.

But here I am,
At 26 years old
A lot left to learn
And a lot more to unfold.

So for this tale of mine
It is now coming to an end
Just know that I am safe now
My journey will start to ascend.

-Brittany Ottmo-