Why did the rain fall sting on all my days
and why did branded skin refuse to heal?
For years I’ve walked within this haunted maze
a curse contaminating what was real.
In mirrors of my mind I saw a light,
but, ev’ry turn I met a blinded man.
Until a voice inside became a fight,
how could I ever make a final stand?
It’s time to breathe an air that doesn’t choke.
It’s time to fight against the raging sea,
and as the shackles sink to murky moat,
I know I’ll kick to where I will be free.
Into the depths of hell, I cast your name,
a new identity, this day, I claim.
There’s a real sense of biting purpose here. A lot of raw energy and towards the end, the poem shines, and I must say it’s an effective use of the sonnet form.
I enjoyed the idea of fighting a raging sea, and the courage sewn into the words. Maybe it’s just me but:
‘It’s time to breathe an air that doesn’t choke.‘
Unless ‘choke’ is used after ‘I’ or ‘you’, I always feel it needs an object? I would never say ‘this air is choking’, it’d be ‘this air is choking me’. Of course, poetic license but I found this line a little disquieting. The use of ‘an’ before air seemed a bit forced to meet the syllable count too.
The last line too, already having ‘me’ as a subject of the sentence, would it not make more sense to say ‘a new identity for me is claimed’? Just a thought.
The rest of the sonnet I enjoyed immensely. A great piece, Michael!