What the french toast!! This was a collab I was so not expecting but I am so grateful for. Did you guys ever collab before??
After reading this, the word "seamless" came to mind. The second stanza, I don't know if it was intentional or not, but the dangerous and impending tone of the "ravenous/ rushing/ ravish" worked quite well.
There were several parts to this piece I wanted to analyze. I may have to come back and re-read. I got so many thoughts from this.... the kind of black-and-white, all-or-nothing commentary that ANY and EVERY touch is looking to "devour" our "sacredness", as you both wrote. That any and every interaction will leave us violated, that work of art that should be appreciated and respected then is misunderstood or called pretentious for just being itself.
The way you both wrote this, especially the heaviness of our life choices and why we do what we do as a result of how others will perceive us, hit hard. We may take an extra moment to cover up or not do this out of fear we will be called attention seeking for simply being ourselves. It's like that part of us that wants to be authentic, can never truly be authentic, apprehensive that it will be critiqued then ridiculed and mocked.
SO many parts to this I just wanted to slam my fist down in agreement. I could totally hear this as a spoken word poem, especially the hissing at the end. That final punch to the gut, how we rationalize to ourselves, that in the end we are not worthy of taking up space. Of receiving love we deserve.
Wow this is dynamite - your collaboration is brilliant. The best of both minds have melded perfectly and made a truly vibrant poem. Definitely needs a nomination as soon as they are available. Well done you both. Milly x
4 years ago
by Ben Pickard
I do hope I am able to get there first later when nominations are replenished so I have the privilege of nominating this outstanding piece. Truly wonderful writing and entirely seamless.
Loneliness is the ebbing promise
of togetherness, snatched from
The whole thing is brilliant but this line is like an epiphany ... being alone when you don't have anyone by choice is a totally different feeling to being alone when you expected to be with someone. I hope we see this on the front page next week to showcase the talent on this site. Well done both of you :-) x