But I am

“Swallow your pride, and stay humble.”
That’s what I tell myself as I watch the rain hit the window in a million little shattered drops.
Just like my heart.
A couple months have gone by since the wedding was called off;
Since you left me with nothing but empty silence and pride in talking to the next girl you were trying to get with.
Tell me how that worked out,
I’d like to know.
There’s a sort of peace in knowing that god didn’t allow you to do that to me,
But the way I got treated and the fact that you tried to be nice after things went south still bothers me.
Tell me again how that worked out for you?
I bite at my nails and grit my teeth-
I thought I’d be more angry.
I should be.
But I think I expected it and I’m used to it and that’s most likely why I’m so uneasy;
I shouldn’t be used to being treated as a second choice or like I mean absolutely nothing.
But I am.