Comments : Lost Color (Senryu)

  • 2 months ago

    by Daniel

    Love this, STAR. A beautiful snapshot; sentimental without being overly sweet. I’m not sure if this was intentional but the juxtaposition of ‘red’ and ‘read’ was lovely. Is it past read? Is it present read? We don’t need to know.

    You leave a lot to the reader here. A perfect senryu. :)

    • 2 months ago

      by Star

      Wow, thank you Daniel :)

      EDIT: since there is a lot left for the reader, I wont give answers ^_^

  • 2 months ago

    by Dagmar Wilson

    Beautiful and glad to see it was nominated. All the best

  • 2 months ago

    by BOB GALLO

    WOW

    • 2 months ago

      by Star

      Thank you Dagmar and Bob ^_^

  • 2 months ago

    by Jamie

    The mystery of this poem is what is so great about it itself and the reason I nominated it. Combining everything I see in front of me (The title, the poem and the category you have placed it in) my mind went straight away to this poem being a metaphor. It tells me that because the flower is red, it could be a metaphor for a heart, (your heart perhaps) and the book is the person you gave your heart to but over time the flower wilted and you forgot about the person until recently. I also like red and read because those are the two keywords within the poem itself.

    There is one thing I would like to point out. I think the poem would read better without the comma, because it would make the poem more free. I think by using the comma you break up the poem into two sentences and while it fits ( I think) it is not needed. Just a personal opinion of course. But the poem itself is great because you tell a great story within three lines and not a lot of people can do so. well done

    • 2 months ago

      by Star

      Hmmm, that’s interesting, the comma does make a change. I didn’t think of it that way. I will think about it but I think for the meaning it fits that way :)

      Thank you Jamie, your comments always point out helpful points!!

  • 2 months ago

    by Milly Hayward

    Superb... A powerful punch in a few words says it all. The beauty of the flower undiminished by the insignificance of the person who gave it. The closure and final filing away of a chapter which will be rarely if ever revisited. This is an excellent example of what well written Senryu's do best - packing a punch whilst still leaving it open for the reader to put their own interpretation on it. Milly xx

    • 2 months ago

      by Star

      Thank you Milly, Im happy it turned out this way ^_^

  • 2 months ago

    by Rania Moallem

    Very powerful Senryu. Touching and worded effectively..I enjoy such structuring and surprise elements in poems. special Senryu. As for the comma, I definitely disagree with Jamie, it won't work without it, in my opinion.

    • 2 months ago

      by Star

      Thank you Rania, I thought so too especially for the meaning :)

  • 2 months ago

    by Everlasting

    I just let the flowers to dry and lose color on their own. They dry and become preserve well. I cut the stem and remove some of the petals. If i put it in a book, the book may become damage. Hehe

    Great senryu.

    • 2 months ago

      by Star

      I like it when the flower stains the book ^_^
      Thank you Lucero :)

  • 2 months ago

    by Ya----Na

    As beautiful as the rose.

    • 2 months ago

      by Star

      Thank you!!!

  • 2 months ago

    by Em (marmite)

    Oh my goodness this is short but packs a real punch...

    • 2 months ago

      by Star

      Thank you Em ^_^

  • 2 months ago

    by Tanya Southey

    Lovely and creates a whole story around the three tiny lines. Bravo!

    • 2 months ago

      by Star

      Thank you Tanya ^_^

  • 1 month ago

    by hiraeth

    I've been re-reading this piece a lot, finding the right words to comment but still haven't been able to string together the right ones. I think what I most enjoy about this senryu is the questions that arise after reading it. Like why did the character preserve a memento of what seems to be an ending (of a relationship ?), why was the book barely read, did it remind the speaker too much of someone? did the speaker just did not care for the book? what does the red flower represent?

    a lot of quesetions, none of them answered but it gives a great glimpse into the speaker's relationship with that person. well-written :)

    • 1 month ago

      by Star

      Thaaaank you ^_^

  • 1 week ago

    by Tony Grannell

    Hello Star,
    Short, sharp, shock indeed. Acute as it is poetically brilliant. A succinct gem in the art of literature.
    Very well done.
    Regards, Tony

    • 1 week ago

      by Star

      Thank you so much!!