The Absolute Worst for You

I hope the absolute worst for you.
It’s truly the least that I can do.

I hope it starts with a bird defecating on your head.
On some morning you’re going to do something you dread

I hope you have some important meeting to attend.
And you get a haircut earlier that day sure to offend.

I hope the scale shows more than you expected it to
And that some big financial deal just happens to fall through

I hope you lose control of your bowels in the middle of Walmart.
On a day you couldn’t quite distinguish if it was more than a fart

I hope your steak is too tough to chew threw.
And I hope that you chip a tooth or two.

I hope you accidentally spill a soda all in your PlayStation.
And I hope they get the reservations wrong for your vacation.

I hope your cat scratches you across the face.
And I hope that you come in last in every race.

I hope your bank account gets hacked and they spend it on beer.
And that every little thing happens that you’ve ever feared

I hope you get exactly everything that you deserve.
Because in this life we get back exactly what we SERVE!