Ammunition

Your gun had ammunition.
I heard it fire; I felt it pierce my chest.
I watched, bleeding, as you put it to your skull
And threatened to pull the trigger.
I felt all your words like razor blades,
Swallowed the things I should have said,
Tiptoed around your delicate feelings.
All to watch the monster in you rear its head,
To fight your manipulation and cruelty.

Can I blame you for it when I shot you first?
I shot you with rubber bullets to save myself.
You shot me for the pain and to leave a scar,
To exercise the power I let you hold over me.

I didn’t know your gun had ammunition.
Now I have a hole in my heart shaped like you.