1.
I'm haunted.
Not unlike an abandoned house,
With creaky floors,
Cobweb ceilings,
A layer of filthy dust
On every wall.
I'm haunted.
With voices whispering-
Ghosts swirling.
The Emptiness-
a chronic pain
In my doorway.
It wasn't always this way.
You came into my life,
Promising heightened ceilings,
Beautiful bay windows,
And sunshine.
Granite countertops
Beautifully painted walls
White lace curtains
Gracefully framing
The light sifting
through the window.
I wasn't ready.
But for love,
I'd have done anything.
So
When you brought in the hammer,
And the destruction crane,
I said yes to my transformation-
Unknowingly giving way to holes
In my foundation.
You shattered my windows,
And I said thank you.
You tore my walls down,
And I was grateful.
And for a while,
The sun gleamed
On my roof,
Catching itself on my broken glass.
That should have been my warning.
The way you left burning trails
Across my floor-
Dents in my metal frame-
Echoes in my hallways.
I thought you'd fix me up...
Make me beautiful,
Strong...
Fill me with a family,
And happy memories.
You had different visions.
But a family came,
In the presence of a
Sweet little girl,
Vivacious and full of wonder.
My roof covered her
On rainy days.
My walls held her
In warmth.
Nevermind
The holey floor.
The damaged foundation.
The cracked walls,
And broken windows.
For Love,
I'd have done anything.
But you looked at your handiwork.
Saw the damage.
And called me irreparable.
And then...
You left.
You walked out of my door,
And I was left with...
Our daughter;
confused,
Seeing the broken house for the first time.
"When is Daddy coming home?"
Her small voice echoed in the hall.
The light in my windows dim,
even dark.
And I had nothing.
There was no hopeful light.
No soft rugs to hide the holes.
No electrician to fix
The hanging wires.
I was hurt.
I was angry.
But I had a child.
And you left us.
You came into my life,
Telling me I was beautiful,
Worth the work...
And I clung to the memories.
The ghosts floating by;
It's just us in love.
The dust settling down;
Just my pain I bit back.
And my child grew.
In the sadness.
In the darkness.
In the broken home that once was us.
2.
I never meant for this to happen,
As I too,
Grew up in a barrage of haunted homes.
Every strike against my mother,
Was a strike against me.
Every shout that echoed,
Every fist that slammed-
Even the "good" memories-
They lay tainted,
In broken frames.
I promised my unborn angel
That she would never grow up this way.
I watched as you deformed me,
And prayed it'd make me newer,
Updated,
A home worth living in.
I prayed for redemption
As you twisted your way through me,
Leaving painful trails of
What ifs.
For love,
I'd have done anything.
And as my daughter
Steps out into the sunlight-
Playing in the safety of my backyard,
I hide in the mainframe,
Tortured by her loneliness.
Aching with every creak of my floorboards.
Feeling empty without you.
How could you?
How could you fill me with empty promises and lies,
And just walk away?
Like I meant nothing.
Even after I gave birth.
Even after we looked each in the eyes
And said "I do."
Every day, you haunt me.
Your touch having ruined what little strength I had left.
And now, someone else tries to call me home.
And now, I'm terrified he'll hurt me too.
And now, I wonder about all the shoulda beens.
Will he call me irreparable?
Will he throw me away, in the dead of night?
Or will he take the time
To find my ghost?
Put new wall paper in,
New paint on the door-
Will his visions survive the tainted touch
Yours placed on me?
