Save Me

I've reached an all time low in my depression, and I don't know how to put it into words anymore. I've never been at such a loss of words. And it hurts because, now would be a time that I need my words the most, because they're all I have. I know this "poem" it jumps topic, and skips around, and I also know it needs a lot of work to even be recognized, but it's the first poem I've written in a while that has truly come from the deepest, darkest, most haunted place of my heart. [I felt the need to somewhat explain this poem, and give you a little bit of insight on where it came from.]

Why am I so worthless?
Am I really not good enough?
I know I've made mistakes
But you're being a little tough

I've apologized times a million
And I'll give you a million more
If you don't ever let me face again
The coldness of my floor

Or the way it drains my tears
So violently out of my eyes
Ripping my thoughts of justice
Like thousands of sharp vicious knives

Who are you to judge me?
I see no throne or golden crown
That right has not been given
It's not your place to bring me down

I just need a moment of release
Where pain isn't thrusting inside
A moment of peace and silence
A minute for it to subside

People are beginning to wonder
If I'm really as sad as I seem
Or if I really pick up the knife
And use it to let out silent screams

I don't care if they don't believe me
I hardly even want them to know
But the fact that they're getting a laugh
Out of my pain is making me choke

They pass me in the hallways
I've actually seen them point and stare
They think I'm not really looking
Or perhaps, that I'm just not there

I've reached this point of failure
Success is an oblivious ambition
I'm worthless, or that's what they say
Now worthlessness is my intuition

Where have I gone so wrong?
I thought for sure I would end up right
Simply because I've been trying
As hard as I possibly might

But dust has filled my poor lungs
They're closing and becoming contracted
And the reasons for all of my pain
Are still yet to be exacted

Maybe I am just too blind to notice
That there is something there for me
Or maybe I've been right all along
When I said, "it just isn't meant to be"

Suicide is a word I know well
I've stared it clear in it's face
Thinking for sure it was over
And I'd be leaving this bewildered place

But opportunity for life came
And I fought hard for my breaths
And I stayed alive through the sickness
I've escaped those near-sighted deaths

Because in what I thought were my last fading hours
I realized what I'd leave behind
Remember the things I never said
And decided it just wasn't time

But now I regret ever fighting
I wish that I had just died and gone
That way I wouldn't still suffer
And I'd be able to finally move on

Please, I need some compassion
It's now mental and physical strain
All I need is stability
And a minor escape from the pain.