House of Cards

Its night, but I’m wide awake
And it’s all because of you
You’re the only one who understands
Because you’ve felt it too

The reason you’re the way you are
Of everything combined
Every failure/un-acceptance
On you, all day it grinds

But at least it’s an emotion
It helps us feel alive
To keep me hanging in there
It helps me feel that I’ve-

Done something with my life
If only for a day
An insignificant moment
That can’t come back to me, any way

For every memory, each good one
There stand 10 more that haunt
That push their way, to the front of my mind
The reason I look so gaunt

I don’t sleep, can’t stand the dreaming
That comes while dark ensues
These nightmares all recurring
Continue to haunt me during my youth

Supposedly the best time
My life will ever see
So this is what my future holds
No-one ever helping me

But you see I just can’t blame them
They only see the front
I put on every morning
So they can’t see what I’m not

I avoid the questions aimed at
Surrounding all my scars
These aren’t half the amount
Buried deep inside my heart

Is a map of every moment
Someone broke or tore apart
A fragment of a part of it
Each time just for a laugh

And with each smile I’m fading
My eyes are dimmer can’t you see?
That every word you are inflicting
Drives the razor deeper, the more I bleed

As I said, it’s a relief
It’s a way to ease the pain
A release for all this pressure
You’ve put on me to gain

A life full of achievements
Of medals and awards
Of certificates and handshakes
That just don’t mean much anymore

I’m past it you can’t touch me
However hard you try
I’ve closed up now, inside myself
However hard you pry

Forever, I am secluded
Boxed in, what I could be
A coffin and a gravestone
Just a place to visit me

I now rest inside my grave
That while dark, dank and dim
The scenery’s not changed much
It’s all I could see of me within

For you’re the reason that I'm here
And this place is no cloud nine
The place where drop’s out goes to
The reserved place that they dine

To watch the world we left behind
The one we couldn’t see
That while darkness comes at night
The sun rises with me

Though dead I watch with hope
You lie-ing in your bed
To help you change the person you were
So many things I left unsaid

Forever- I'll be with you
You’ll now never be alone
The sigh you here, the breath you feel
Is more than just you're own