Mom

Every time you scream at me
i turn and walk away
every time i seem to smile
you have to take it away

the crismon color
oozes out of from my arms
it just feels so good
but i know that this is wrong

did you think i wouldn't find out
did you think i wouldn't care
did you think i'd forget about him
pretend that he wasn't there?

you didn't think i would find out
oh did you my dear mother?
that you were hiding the biggest thing from me
the death of my own father?!

he's a part of me
he helped create me
just because he didn't love you
doesn't mean he didn't love me.

am i why he left?
was it all my fault
was i the one who caused this?
was our relationship over before it could start?

why did you keep it from me?
why shouldn't i care?
i never understood your reasoning
oh, it's because he wasn't there

my father was alive
until i was in 6th grade
i never even met him
and now, he's in a grave

the more i think about it,
the more the crimson comes out
the pain has to go away
i can't help but let out a shout

it was all my fault for being here
it was my fault that he left
if i wasn't born he would be alive
he never would have left

the harder i cry
the harder i push
i want the pain to go away,
i don't want to feel the hurt

i don't trust you anymore
because you've hidden this secret from me
i don't know what to think anymore
i just want to be free

it's the only thing i feel
i write 'hate' with a razor on my arm
it's what i feel for me
but mostly for you mom

i never want to wake up
i hopes it's all a dream
i can wake up and see my father
if only if really was a dream

you yell at me to stop
he isn't worth my tears
but as i remember mom
you cried first for many years

*i don't know how much i really like this, it probably doesn't make any sense i just wrote down what i was feeling*