Maybe I'll be ok

Maybe Ill be ok
If I close my eyes or turn away
Take my mind to somewhere else
Far from this place
I hate this place
The memories flood my mind when I stand here
and the pain and fear flood over me
like a blanket of darkness
And I'm so alone in the black
surrounded by silence in a place full of talking people
and noone knows that I want to scream
I want to throw things
and f**k things up
I want to slash my arm and feel the pain throb as blood seeps with red richness
And I want to lie in the middle of all the judging morons and feel the relief flow over me
I wish I could show them all
show them and shove it in their faces
and as I watched their disgusted faces I would scream
and lash out at them
like I lash out at myself
see the shock and realisation in their glossy f**king eyes
I want the relief I crave from the morning after through to the moment the blade cuts the skin