My consfusion lost for help

They should have known not to push me
watch the crops then they see
i was living alone
i felt so guilty pain consuming
dread running through my bones
and the only thought running through my head
was thought of you lieing there dead
and i wished i could hold but i was being held back
and the only thing i see is how you all pushed me to the end of whats to be for a life
and i wanted you to know i had to let go......from my life

i know this poem is real shit but its a very painful thought to me so please do not critisize it