That Night

I saw you that night
When he walked out because things just werent right
I saw you trying to find a reason to live
And when you found no reasons, you started to give
I was so mad that you didnt care
That I was your reason sitting right upstairs

I saw you take the pills and count them all out
Planning your death because he had some doubts
He was your world and we didnt exist
You never thought if you died that it would be my life you'd miss
Did you think about me finding your lifeless body?
Did I cross your mind, or was I not on your list?

I saw you write out your suicide note
You said goodbye and that youd miss him
You said he'd hurt you and you wished he'd listen
You said that the pain was too much to bear
Why'd he leave you and why didn't he care?
On that paper you kept repeating your pain
But not once in that note did it mention my name

That night the clocked stopped ticking
The house was cold and the silence was sickening
Pain and hate ran through those walls
Lying in the shadows as I watched my world fall
Did you think about your funeral and what I would do
When I packed up our house with memories of you?

That night you didnt succeed
You didnt kill yourself, but you did kill me
You tore my soul out and ripped me to shreds
You left me alone to cry in your bed
A little girl abandoned and pushed aside on the shelf
Through the silence and fury I died by myself
But im dead to it now because through all these years
Ive been holding onto guilt and all these tears

I kept it all a secret, even from you
I made myself believe that night wasnt true
Do you think about these things?
I hope you really do
Because for the rest of my life everyday I will too

Well know this now that I will never forget
As I waited by your door and listened as you wept
To call 9-1-1 and say into the phone,
My mom just killed herself and Im the only one home