Going Away

When I said I would go I thought it would be over
I thought that by now I would have fully recovered
I assumed that once more I would smile again for real
I can’t change that way I am, or the emotions I feel

But now the time approaches and I’m so afraid to go
Living with an unfamiliar family, with face I don’t know
And it all seems so pathetic, and the tears shouldn’t be shed
I’m trying to see the positive but there are still doubts in my head

I try to explain to you some of the reasons for my tears
All my worries and concerns and the causes for my fears
But words can’t quite express the way that lose sleep
Nor can they be adequate explanations for the times I weep

I wish that it was over, and I no longer felt I had to go
And these emotions were not real, or at least they didn’t show
I don’t want to let her down, as I know she wants to come
But that does not prevent my tears as down my cheeks they run

I hope in my heart that maybe I will enjoy my time there
Her family will be kind and if I do feel low then they will care
But what if I can’t take it and it is more that I can endure
Because I don’t want to feel like this for a second more

I’m that afraid if she see my scars, she will judge by what she see’s
And not take any proper time to find the different side to me
I just need you to let me feel the way I do, but all to console
But maybe it will be okay, and I have blown this out of control

* I signed up for a school trip a few months ago, hoping I would feeling a lot better by the time it came, but now it’s a few weeks away and I’m so afraid of going and I can’t quite explain why*