I don't choose to do it

I feel the fullness in my stomach
I feel it rising up tight into my throat
I feel the discomfort and wish it wouldn’t happen
I sit for a while hoping it will fade away into nothing
I sit there wondering why my body is doing this

The pain of it gets too much and I walk resigned to the bathroom
once there I lean over and see sick pour out of me
I taste the acid in my mouth
and can still feel it burning in my throat
so the discomfort is prolonged

I find it so odd to feel my food fall out of me
to see it in the toilet
when I wish it had stayed in my stomach
and yet I have no control,
and no gag reflex so it falls

At times I put it down to stress
At times I reason that it ties to binging
But I really don’t know why my body is sick
I find it seperate from my consciousness
Afterwards, like now,
I sit and wonder what the reason is today