To my dad

I don't remember at time
I truly loved you.
I know circumstances kept you away
but standing all alone
holding back my tears
that seared my soul
hurts deeper than you will know.

I don't know why my hate is so deep.
Every sound you make sends anger all over me,
I hear you washing dishes
the clank of your silverware as you eat,
quietly saying prayers to God;
anger, hate rips through my body,
like a title wave of fear.

I want to get away from you,
distance may heal my mind.
Maybe somewhere love is hiding
wanting for release to shine.

You try so hard for me to love you,
give me money and be kind
but something is wrong in my mind.
And one day I hope I will find
a way to heal my broken heart.
And look at you for the first time
without wanting you to die.

*please comment if you know what I am talking about-it would be nice to know I am not alone.*