It’ll all be on you

by undying blusher   Jun 27, 2005


Withered away
Color fades
Wilted petals
Fallen to the precious dirt
On the earth’s floor
Among many more
Leaves crippling
Too fragile to touch
But if you must
It’ll all be on you
Flakes and pieces on your fingers
And some drifted away
What a wonderful day
It would be
To be taken by the wind
Wearing thin, deteriorate into nothing
Or flung into sea
Washed away
To float and travel with the leaves
Oh what a wonderful day
That would be

0


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Latest Comments

  • 18 years ago

    by Spoken Silence

    Very nice.... great way to present the feelings of wanting to be nothing..... 4/5

  • 18 years ago

    by Atomic

    You have some good imagery going on for you. At first I thought you were talking about death, but reading all the comments, it made more sence that you are writing of a rose. Job well done, M'Lovely.

    ( )_( )
    (='.'=)
    (")-(") Arrivederci!

  • 18 years ago

    by Drew Gold

    Love the overall feeling/image i got from this. very clear due to the structure and words you chose..

    Wilted petals
    Fallen to the precious dirt

    petals,.. i always think its cliche to use rose/flowers/petals in your poems, but thats just me and my style.. on contrast, i like the idea of it falling.. especially "precious" dirt.. although i'd like to know if theres a reason u used precious, and if so, why.. maybe go into that more.. idunn0..

    Wearing thin, deteriate(deteriorate*) into nothing

    i also think u should extend this deterioration over more of the piece, as it's a main idea, and a good one.. i liked the way this one flowed and like i said before, the imagery. good job.. 4.5

  • 18 years ago

    by wendy

    I thought this poem was very good

  • 18 years ago

    by Johnny Marlin

    Again, wonderful poem, you certainly have a way with words. I like your style of writing, very descriptive and fluent, I had a beautiful picture painted in my head the entire time. Take care.
    -J.M.