My Fault?

God, can I ask you a question?
See I'm not that smart
Maybe the answer is right there
I just don't know where to start

See, there's this guy
That hurt me bad
It was long ago now
But I am still sad

I can't seem to forget
How lucky I felt that day
He asked me to be his own
He took my breath away

But then it all fell apart
He lied to me
He took my 'friend'
And another to make it three

Somehow I think it was my fault
If I had just said yes to what he wanted
He'd still be mine
Somehow I'd have stopped it

Can you stop a cheater cheating
If you agree to what they say?
Will they stay with you forever more
To the end of judgement day?

He spoke to me today
It has been 4 months since the last
My heart still bleeds when I think of him
I wish my hurt would flee me fast

My mind plays tricks on me
Tells me he wants me back
But he has made it clear
That there is something that I lack

I know that longing is just lust
It can't be a true feeling can it?
A wanting for something that isn't there
The knife, the blood, my wrist

I must punish myself
Because I know the fault is mine
God, I know I'm right
Not worthy of someone fine

Please, I ask for just one thing
A ending of this torment
The pain, the hurt, the crushing reality
Is something you must commence

So please, God
Take me to be your Angel
Harmony is what I seek
To be forever more peaceful

*Thankyou for reading this poem. It has come straight from my heart but I don't cut anymore :)*