I will not love you

What does i love you mean
does it mean i will be there for you
i will protect you, comfort you
hold you until your pain goes away
does it truly make you happy
or is it just three words said to try to make meaning to your day?
i have turned into someone i do not want to be
someone that i hate
i just need someone to love me
but no one does so it makes me scared of my fate
i have so many scars inside and out
and i do not understand what to feel
i just want to know what my pain is about
i want someone to hold me and love me for real
even when i smile, tears follow
it hurts so much to feel so alone and hollow
from now on i will never say i love you
not to family friends or guys
because noone loves me for real, i now see through all the lies
i do not need anyone anymore
i will be safe and content behind my wall
i am sick of selfish people and people that lie to your face
i hate peoples blindness
i just wish the past could be erased
i will never say i love

love is a disease, it always kills you in the end..