The Voices

Deep into the depths of my tortured soul
I can actually hear my heart as it cries
Making me feel so completely unwhole
While my life is kept in a shattered disguise.

My concentration is scattered,
Into pieces so small you cannot see
While my lonely heart it tattered
Because I’m not living the real life of me.

Betrayed by friends and family
Crying in the darkness of my room
In my own tearful misery
Seeking my life long doom.

Hearing the voices inside my echoing mind
Never knowing whether they are real
Just tracing back their every word with the button rewind
Through the thoughts that I feel.

Black and white pictures racing through my head
Consuming my every thought
Pictures of me really lying dead
The long for thing I have willingly sought.

Loud music playing in the background as I stare at the wall
Jumbled thoughts consume me on the inside
Trying with all my might not to bawl
As these thoughts form into fantasies of suicide.

“You have no grace!” the voices say
“You are weak and all alone,
Sooner or later you’ll have to pay!”
They way with a harsher tone.

The thoughts keep forming as tears roll down my face
And I find my sharp shiny knife
As my heart begins to race
With the dreadful thoughts of ending my life.

Exhaustion taking over my mine, body and soul
Wrecking my whole life to shreds
Living is now my lives toll
While I’m dealing with thoughts of being dead.

I’m taking in all this pain
Yet talking does not help me at all
Grieving because I have nothing to gain
And for the biggest fear that I might fall.

Fall forever but never die
Because my life’s a great big lie
Making me just want to cry
Feeling the pain as tears form in my eyes.

I know I need help from someone other than me
But nobody else can seem to see
I can only wonder how this can be
The pain in my soul reveals the real me.

The real me inside
Just trying to actually hide
From my thoughts of suicide
And these voices telling me I should have died.

Died from the bloody sheet stains
Died from the cuts on my wrist
Died from the echoing blood filled pain
Of every cut and slit.

Yet I’m still here
Alive and alone all the time
Crying these horrible tears
With stories in every teardrop that are not kind.

But i can hear the voices again
Saying the end is finally near
No more life filled with sin
Is revealed with one more tear.

And with those tears they leave me with these words…

“You have no grace
You have no thoughts
The tears on your face
Are what you’ve brought.
You are tired and alone
Weakness is setting in
No longer have you grown
Because of your thoughts of sin.
So now you shall die
An endlessly horrible death
You’ll relive your every lie
Even after your last breath.
So take me for my word
And I will take your breath away
Believe in what you’ve heard
From the place in where you’ll finally lay…"

~Madison Leigh~ July 23rd 2004

*Sorry it’s so long!!