Not how it should have ended

The pain killers are there sitting on my night stand,
they have been there for a while now,
waking up every morning debating weather if today is the day that i just end it all for good
I have managed to avoide them for a while now
but tonight feels different, as I lay in bed crying, staring at them and the bottle of water i have just in case i decide to do it
well I have made up my mind here it goes I pick up the bottle and choake down the pills
I lay there until I slowly start to fade out of this life
I start to scream when I realize this is not what I wanted after all
but no one is there for me
im starting to disappear this is the end there are no more pain killers waiting there for me to make up my mind