My Thoughts

My mind is moving so fast
I can not see my thoughts
But somewhere in there
Are all the battles I fought

There are memories of
All the people who past (on)
And the meaningful relationships
That I knew would not last

Thoughts of my future
Go through my head
Of the man I am in love with
And the day we will be wed

Thoughts of the present
The possibility of a kid
All my mixed up emotions
That I keep well hid

All of my secrets
And the lies I told
Could hurt what little happiness I have
And leave me in the cold

Thoughts of changes I could make
To be who I want to be
Thoughts of changing too much
To where I will never be me

Thoughts of relationships
I do not have now
The low number of times
I made my mom proud

My thoughts move so fast
I can not even see most of them
And to block some of them out
I think of suicide and death

I am scared to die
And to be alone
That iss another thought
I can not get control

I can not even think
To write a good poem anymore
My thoughts are all behind
A closed and locked glass door