Help me make it through the night

by shawn hoskins   Sep 20, 2005


Lord have mercy on me,i wish to leave this place,my love has gone left without a trace,these feeling's i'm feeling can't be replaced,i need someone to hold,but that person she's gone,must have been my fault i never gave her attention,i find it too late now to mention,i wish i could have done something to make things right,her coming back i can't see in sight,lord help me make it without her this dark and lonely night,as i lay my head to rest wherever she might be,i hope she changes her mind and comes back to me.

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  • 18 years ago

    by Ashlee Nicole

    This is the first one Of yours that I've read...And If you get mad at me while I'm rating and commenting that's kewl...I'm a tough girl..lol...Just being honest..
    First off, Who cares about how it looks, it's kewl that it's all fumbled together...It's how it comes out in the end...Personally, this is the first one I've read, and the poetry sounds kind of elementary...Maybe it was just one of those things that just started flowing and you didn't stop...Yet, I still liked it...I'm normally not a fan of the non stop every line rhyming...But this one wasn't too bad..I give 4/5...Don't be mad...THanks
    Ash

  • 18 years ago

    by Sean Allen

    "i wish i could have did something to make things right"
    "done", not "did"

    I'd suggest breaking the lines up so that the poem is easier to read. This really isn't a stream of consciousness poem, it is just a regular poem that wasn't formatted into stanzas, and I don't think it gains any meaning in this form. You should also consider changing your rhyme scheme to one that isn't AABB, as it can often trap you into using awkward sentence constructions, like "her coming back i can't see in sight"

  • 18 years ago

    by Jason Meres

    Once again, like your idea, you have a great deal of talent, it's just hard to see.

  • 18 years ago

    by Jamie

    I love the feeling you have in the poem, it's so sad and so sweet and so i dont know it's just great

    i think it is nessicary(sp?) that this poem is put into an actual format because i think your rhyme scheme was off but it was hard to tell with the way you wrote it

    good job though 4.5

  • 18 years ago

    by SweetSuicide

    This was ok..you could have started each sentence.
    On the left side colum would have been easyer to read ...but other than that i like..it..5/5

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