Makeshift

by Jamie   Sep 30, 2005


*this is for the moody people...i understand if you dont understand this i guess its personal...whatever lol either way.....yeah*

Makeshift feelings are what I taste
Thoughts and pain that will soon be replaced
Reconciling all the hurt that Ive faced
Isolate the bonds, create such a waste

Sift through the ashes of broken dismay
Crash through the pain and deep shades of grey
Turn my back and watch the forgotten decay
Do what they say, just sit down and obey

Learn from the mishaps and all the regret
Cant help but wonder what I havent learned yet
And you know Ill forgive you but never forget
Ill stay content with you but always tense and upset

Make believe that you still care
But I can feel the dream beginning to tear
My world fades to dust and youre unaware
Nothing is safe this I can promise and swear

Blood equals achievement and desperation
Sorrow and detriment have swallowed motivation
Soul sucking angels left me without explanation
Demons began this sudden manifestation

So destroy me and everything I believe
Watch my blood flow as I pretend to grieve
Look down upon me so young and naive
No just f-u-c-k you, turn your back and just leave

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Latest Comments

  • 18 years ago

    by Dave

    Raw feeling emotion and power i love the verse and excelent rhyme i wish some of my poems had the disaplin you show with yours

  • 18 years ago

    by xTheEcstasyOfSuicidex

    I love your rhyming...it's amazing. And I loved this poem. Emotion is the best way to write, for it speaks the strongest.

    Forever Love,
    DarkSuicide

  • 18 years ago

    by midnight♥lullibys

    Wow this was really good...5/5...my fav. part was

    Blood equals achievement and desperation
    Sorrow and detriment have swallowed motivation
    Soul sucking angels left me without explanation
    Demons began this sudden manifestation

    So destroy me and everything I believe
    Watch my blood flow as I pretend to grieve
    Look down upon me so young and naive
    No just f-u-c-k you, turn your back and just leave

    so full of emotion! great writing keep it up

  • 18 years ago

    by Drew Gold

    Yea,. definitely a moody one =o) which isnt bad at all.. i really dont have much to say.. your flow was good, rhythm just as well for the most part, and content sort of strayed from the subject a little, but otherwise it was good..

    Do what they say, just sit down and obey

    i like this line, excluding the sit down part,.. just doesnt sit well with me, but thats my opinion.. i do like the decay idea..

    Cant help but wonder what I havent learned yet

    this lines a little awkward.. maybe a little more explanation is needed..

    Make believe that you still care

    this is a great like, but i think the last 3 slines in the stanza dont match up with the feeling of that line.. one suggestion would be to take it like: (second line: and turn your back to the dream, unaware)
    just a thought,..

    Nothing is safe this I can promise and swear
    swear seems ambiguous and forced here i think..

    Demons began this sudden manifestation

    love using the word manifestation, specially with things like demons.. used to do a lotta stuff like that.. its a very cool word..

    No just f you, turn your back and just leave

    decent ending.. f you expresses a lot of feeling, but itd be servd better if you used other words to convery the strong feeling.. but what do i know.. good job PZ

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