New Day

by DBM   Oct 11, 2005


New Day

(note: This sucks, it's an ongoing piece of work. I'm having trouble with it, so if anyone has any suggestions, please let me know. Thank You.)

Wait a moment
I need your help
Why do you turn
Abandoning
If you ignore me
Will I disappear
Or
Will I sit
In the back of your mind
On top of your conscience
All of the time
And
You may suffer
Yes
You may bleed
But
By your own hand
Caused by your greed
The curse is ongoing
Forever
and
Now
For just standing by
And watching me frown
As my world slowly
Melted away
Turning from crimson
To black
'Til my darkness
is
Day

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Latest Comments

  • 18 years ago

    by VioletRaven

    I think it's cool the way it is, but if you feel you need to change it then it's up to you. I don't really have any suggestions, cause I like it this way.
    5/5 from me anyways.

    *VioletRaven*

  • 18 years ago

    by x-Beth-x

    Hey very good poem. It doesn't suck at all. You rock!!! I don't know if you remember me but I was the one who had a convo w/ you while we were in skool and you were skipping class. I think my name was your-dirty-lil-secret then but I changed it. KEEP IT UP!!! w00t

    -♥-Anarchy-♥-

    I ♥ Cereal

  • 18 years ago

    by Strange Angel

    This is a really good poem! you say it's incomplete, but i think it works well as it is. You've got a really interesting structure going aswell...if you do decide to continue, this should be a very interesting poem. keep it up.

    0_+

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