Going back in time

If I could go back to that night,
Go back in time to when my body was mine,
Would I kick and scream and punch and bite?

Maybe.

But maybe I'd be too scared again.
Maybe I'd be so drunk I couldn't move again.
Maybe I'd manage to think, in moments of sobriety,
He'll kill me after this;
This is my last kiss.
He'll kill me.

Perhaps I'd cry to make him see the pain that he was causing me.
Or perhaps I'd shut off from what was going on
And leave the thinking to later on.

If i had fought and made a fuss
If I'd drunk less or caught a bus

Would it still have happened?