Cage

I swear I can feel these tears burn the flesh off my pale cheeks.

Today I smiled, I smiled all day, and inside it was the worst pain I've had in months. I feel so alone, I feel so abandoned, and I am.

I swear I can hear my body shatter into pieces as the loneliness cuts into my stomach like a hot blade digging its grave in my wrist. I'm shocked as to how my eyes can contain the water my body throws at it, and it burns.

It seems all so hard that it makes the best part of the night this time. When I'm home early and alone. Each time it seems to be the worst time. But back to what I was saying, this is the easiest part, when I'm alone and it's dark it's me and myself. I can let the tears flow, and they come with ease, I feel I'm doing my eyes a great favor and when the last tears drip off my eyelashes mixed with the mascara I feel tired, which is good, you can't feel when you're your sleeping, and I don't dream, I just die for as long as I can.

Nobody reaches out their hand and I can't save myself. And I couldn't leave because I'm not that bad off.

I'm not in the streets freezing until I can't move and selling myself for food and the warmth of another human body. I'm at home...in a nice chair...on a computer that runs fast. I'm well off just selfish and self centered.

I honestly hate myself, not many people can say that and mean it entirely, I'm sure you like something, I tried to convince myself I'm not so bad, but I'm not going to lie. I couldn't do it, I can see through myself just as well as I can see through you. And I've gotten good at detecting lies or have I, maybe I'm just too broken and too suspecting, maybe that's why I have no real friends, I don't know, like I said, I'm not a big fan of myself so why should anyone else be.

The thought of sitting in this spot, maybe in front of the TV, for the next three days brings forth more tears. I don't think they ever stop, but they do, they do soon enough. Sometimes I feel I know the people on reality TV. shows better then I know anyone I've ever met in my whole life.

I think this is depression. But that term, like friends, is also thrown around often, and taken lightly. If so much of America is depressed, where are these people? And why arent we friends?

*i usually dont do the not rhyming thingy but we had an english project and it was supposed to be kinda like a journal entry in poetry form which this isnt even really in but yeah i didnt turn this in lol i only like one paragraph but i thought id just put the whole thing up here because i hate deleting things but i hate keeping it on my computer : ) so this is a good place for it**