Just Another Day

I remember when I was little,
I was stuck in the middle.
You were my older brother.
Then me and Cali was the other.

I was so proud you were in my family.
You protected me
From mean boys
& most of the time-shared your toys.

I remember laughing until we got hiccups in the car.
But now that seems so far.
I remember giving you hugs when you were in the 6th grade,
But those days started to fade.

Our nightmares
Became you useless cares.
Reality turned to fears,
With each came countless tears.

There were no more hugs,
Once you started doing drugs.
We saw you less&less,
You were such a mess.

You'd come home drunk
& I'd think-great-just our luck-
Or you'd come back high,
I just wanted to cry.

Some nights you didn't come home.
I'd wait downstairs by the phone.
Looking for you people would call,
None of us had a clue at all.

You & mom used to always fight.
I'd lay awake replaying it all night.
I had 2 sisters, a little brother,dad, and mother,
But where was my big brother?

I'd lost you
& there was nothing I could do.
You, I started to hate.
I couldn't remember why I thought you were so great.

I idolized you.
everything you did-I wanted to do.
Now I don't utter your name,
You're not part of the family I claim.

I miss my bo-bo,
But I know,
With every dawn,
It's just another day you're gone.

*about my older brother-plz comment/vote -would mean the world to me