Feeling

I don't understand why I feel so bad?
I no longer love you,
yet sometimes it hurts more now, than it did before.
I was never really with you,
so why do I feel lonely without you?
I left our little community,
and entered the big bad world, and I'm happy that I did.
I'm no longer trapped by HER comments,
or by my love for you.
So why do I feel so bad?
I've made true friends here,
ones who accept me for who I am,
so why do I feel like I need HER hurtful comments?
You both treated me like something that came off your shoe,
and I spent all my time at home,
fighting to escape your clutches,
so why do I now feel the need for someone to hurt me here?
I'm happy here,
too happy,
I know from experience that it cant last.
I've escaped you both and yet i still feel bad.
What sort of person misses those who hated and hurt them?
I can't be normal,
but then I never really thought that I was.
I need someway out of this mess.
I know I don't love you,
the butterflies have gone,
but I still cant feel anything,
for anyone else.
I don't seem to be able to feel anything at all.
Who would have thought that all the years of hurting,
would take away my ability to feel, anything at all.
Sometimes I wish I could get you back,
but I am here and you are there,
and for that I'm glad.
Maybe without your steady influence the feelings will come back,
and maybe with a little help from my friends,
the girl I would have been if it weren't for you two,
will appear!

sorry it's so long but once i get started i cant seem to stop!! Feel free to comment on any aspect of the poem gud or bad!!
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