Miscarriage

I've gone through it
Not one, not twice
But a total of
Four freaking times

I cried for Cristian
Six months into pregnancy
Umbilical cord around his neck
Its all so freaking crazy

One minute i felt his kick
The next I felt blood drip
Down my leg
Blood red

My heart stopped, skipped a beat
This s*h*t couldn't be happening to me
I wanted my baby to live
I had so much love to give

I wanted to keep him by my side
Just a little longer inside
I would have done anything
But God didn't think it time

Of course I was just 14
But imagine what could have been
I love my boy to this day
I light a candle in his name
And on Dec. 6 I sing happy bday

And for the others I do the same
The next two
Were there and gone
Just a second
Didn't stick for long

My stomach barely showing
But I loved them my way
And I take joy in knowing
God plays with them everyday

Now Janelle, what was that about
Don't know the reason
Cant figure it out

What was the reason for losing her
I had already a baby girl
God knew I had the means
For taking care of her

I wasn't too young
I had the experience
He knew of my strength
And perseverance

But God does things his own way
He has his reasons for those days
That he made me cry
made me wish I would die

He did reward me
I must say
I have my baby girl, Jayleen
Alive with me today

I thank God for her
Every single day
And pray to him for the others
That I cant hold today