Taking over me

by Void   Jan 12, 2006


Hey, this is a poem that I'm pretty sure is one of a kind, as I have just made up it's form and rhyme scheme as I wrote it...Hope you're open minded to the unique stuff :p
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Taking over me (?)

Your words strengle me
Thieving me of my breath
Scarring the mind, wounded hearts
Softly bringing forth my death.

Your blue eyes glare
With absence of love
Icy needles prick my skin
Piercing the soul within.

Holding me
Your chilling touch
Imprisonment be
Your hatred, my crutch.

Listen
Hear silence
Immortal now
Powers endowed.

Stop
Entrance
Take control
The devil's stance.

Please tell me what you think - I'll gladly return the favour :)

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Latest Comments

  • 18 years ago

    by libby

    This was well-written and chilling, definitely written to evoke a feeling and does a wonderful job of it. I love that you find a creative way to rhyme that hasn't been done before, orginality always adds the best dimensions to a poem. The only issue I had with it was the flow. In the second and third stanzas it was impeccable, however the rhythm felt really off to me in the first. The last two... I'm not sure how I feel about them. I like the short lines and that they still rhyme, but I just can't get them to sound right. Oh well, it's a great experiment in form either way. Keep it up!

  • 18 years ago

    by Kim

    This is so original and what's more is that it's GOOD! lol, I throughly enjoyed! Keep writing, I love reading!

  • 18 years ago

    by xDryTearsx

    It was really good i liked your rhyme scheme unique yes and great
    unique is the best it shows you have creativity -- yay for creativity!! :D
    Love Always - NerdyPants
    ((DryTears))

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