Searching Again

by Toni   Jan 20, 2006


Tears came sliding down my face
As I sat alone in the cold
Snowflakes falling all around me
Whispering secrets so far untold

An empty packet of painkillers
A wish for one final breathe
Struggling to walk, with nowhere to go
Just calling out for my death

Choking on my falling tears
As my body began to ache
Endless pain or a final breathe
Seemed an easy choice to make

A simple wish for the year to end
And for another to never begin
My head so full of uncertainty
From the pain still buried within

My vision blurred as I reached my home
An ambulance came into view
Another trip to the general hospital
Another chance to make it through

Overnight I sobbed and I shook
Failing to reach the light in the dark
Clinging to my hospital blanket
Whilst inside I was falling apart

Two psychiatrists, two thousand questions
And I'm sent back home to rest
Stuck in this place between life and death
Last year it was the place I knew best

Now my hands hold tightly to my dreams
As I'm trying to do what's right
All I can see is depths of darkness ahead
Still I'm searching again for the light

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Latest Comments

  • 18 years ago

    by BleedingAngel

    This is the best poem ever, never have I read a poem, written like it was about my life, this is me.....:

    A simple wish for the year to end
    And for another to never begin
    My head so full of uncertainty
    From the pain still buried within

    Last year January 1st I took a glass of painkillers wishing to die, I was in the hospital for a week, cause they thought I wasn't going to survive, but sadly I did. Hunni don't give up, you have come so far. I love this poem....

    Much Love Sabrina

  • 18 years ago

    by Just Sierra

    AWWWWW!!
    Toni!! I haven't read a poem of yours in a LOOOONG time..but i'm so thankful that i did...you just completely reminded me who totally in love I am with your poetry. AMAZING!!!! Captivating and just heart wrenching....
    it kinda gives me hope....

    In a twisted kind of way..

    But thanks for writing this hun!!!

    LYL!!
    ~~Sierra

  • 18 years ago

    by confusion

    Oh hun, its such a emotional and powerful poem. worrying though. you seem to have taken the reader so clearly through each step, and almost let them feel what you ae feeling too. amazing. it was all great, but the lines

    Choking on my falling tears
    As my body began to ache
    Endless pain or a final breathe
    Seemed an easy choice to make

    seemed to really stand out. the contrast is so strong.

    hopes and wishes for you hun. love always -x-x-x-x-

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