Why Am I Still Like This

Why am I still like this
Still cut as deep as before,
Why does it feel so unhealed
So open for pain to make so sore?

Why do songs still affect me
And tears still occasionally fall,
Why do I only think I am over it
When in reality it just snowballs?

I will just do my continual steps
And keep hiding the pain,
I will just push back the memories
That seem to trigger a heartbreaks lovely gain.

On my knees begging
For some amazing cure,
To make me whole again
And make my heart pure.

But that is just a fairytale
Or wishful thinking of the mind,
Because nothing seems strong enough
To take away pain of this kind.

Back in reality I realize many things
One being that I have to get out,
I have to escape my memory and heart
And figure what this pain is all about.

Let this be the last night
Full of sadness and tears,
Let this be the last prayer said
To pull me through wet stained pillows and heartbreaking fears